Why I Broke Our Holiday Family Traditions and Started New Ones Instead
- by Christy
Why I Broke Our Holiday Traditions and Started New Ones Instead
Holidays for neurodivergent kids can be rough… Am I right? The change in routine, the amount of socializing, and all the new/different sensory experiences are a LOT. And there’s so much pressure to keep alive the traditions passed down from generation to generation.
But what do we do when holiday traditions trigger our neurodivergent kids?
I’ll never forget the last time I spent a holiday with our extended family. My mom’s side of the family is HUGE… Like more than 60 people huge. When the whole family gets together it is pure chaos, a ton of food, a lot of laughter, no room to sit, and LOUD, like really really loud.
We don’t live close to most of our family members, and it takes between 1 and 2 hours to get to where they live. And while our family loves a good road trip, it makes for a long day – especially considering the above.
So, there we are, walking into a townhouse FULL to the brim of ALL the people. Asking for hugs, taking our coats, dodging the open door, throwing a football over our head. Again…pure chaos.
And there was a time I absolutely loved the chaos.
But not this time. Not when I knew immediately that I made a big mistake. Because this is C’s version of a nightmare. People he doesn’t really know, asking a ton of questions, commenting on how much he’s grown, wanting to touch and hug him… So much noise, stifling heat – because ALL the people – no room to move and no place to escape.
We pushed our way through the living room, into the kitchen, where we found a set of steps to the basement. It was like a sweet refuge for my boy. Less noise, less light, less touch, less smell… And he could see who was coming at him. He could attempt to control the environment.
The family wanted to know why we weren’t being social. They didn’t understand that it wasn’t a choice – it was a need. We needed to be away from everyone so C could feel and be safe.
And that’s when I realized that the feelings of my extended family members didn’t supersede my son’s needs.
That was the last time we spent the holidays with that side of the family. Not because we are jerks or don’t want to be around them. It’s because we can’t be around ALL of them ALL at once.
It doesn’t work for our family.
And realizing that I had a choice, that our family chooses our family traditions – that I didn’t need to hold on to something that doesn’t work for us simply because everyone expected it – well it was freeing AND empowering.
Here's the thing...
If you feel weighed down by the expectations of others during the holiday season, maybe you don’t have to. Maybe you can also let their expectations and old traditions go – and create new traditions that work better for your family.
We decided to prioritize fun over everything else.
👏 We don’t get dressed up for the holidays anymore. ALL holidays are officially PJ days in our home.
👏 We stay home for ALL holidays. And we invite family and friends who respect the accommodations C needs to make holidays enjoyable.
👏 We don’t force anybody to do anything they can’t or don’t want to do.
- Want to eat at the kitchen island? Cool.
- Want to get up after you’re done eating – even if no one else is done? That’s totally fine.
- Want to have chicken nuggets and french fries instead of the fancy meal? That’s super easy to throw in the oven.
- Prefer dessert over veggies? Me too!
This goes for anyone who visits our home for the holidays. If it’s going to be fun, it’s gotta be flexible. If it’s going to be flexible, we’ve gotta know what we can do to help make it happen.
Want to know something?
We are ALL so much happier staying home, in our pajamas, eating the food we like, where and when we want. We are free to be ourselves and we are surrounded by people who prefer us to be who we are, rather than who they expect us to be 💕
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